WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize