perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
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i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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