It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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