Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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