This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Soap is not a condiment
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize