Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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