Already got asked if we're dating
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize