He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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