So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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