he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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