Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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