it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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