It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize