On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
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Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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