There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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