I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
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Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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