My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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