I love black thongs
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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