I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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