Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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