just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize