you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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