I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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