we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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