big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
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Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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