hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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