I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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