My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize