drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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