So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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