Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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