I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize