I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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