What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize