letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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