Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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