also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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