I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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