i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize