it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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