You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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