i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize