therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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