I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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