You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize