Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize