I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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