no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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