I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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