Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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